I am feeling anxious for a while and to find its cause was not obvious.
I work for a company that has a box where it tries to fit all its employees and I am terrible when someone tries to make fit somewhere I don’t belong or have no interest in belonging to.
I found a tweet with the saying: “Trying to fit in when you are fundamentally an outlier will make you anxious.”, it clicked. My job is the root of this anxiety.
I shared that with some people and the suggestions were the same, “try to fit in”, “put yourself in the boss’s shoes” etc. My interpretation is that they are already boxed in and are trying to lure me into it, not with bad intentions but because I am an outlier.
I know they are glad in the box, I will not be.
I don’t fit it. I do not believe in the box, the reasons for it, the ways it chose to do things, the mentality it cultivates in its employees’ mind.
I don’t want to fit and I won’t fit, I am not content with that, I demur because it makes me anxious.